From Introvert to Extrovert: Introduction

I used to be the most anti-social person you could think of. In school if nobody talked to me I would not have talked to anyone, not so much because I do not like other people or thought of myself as superior to them. I simply fell on the mistake of thinking what I had to say was not good enough for others to hear so I thought there was no point. Also I moved to the United States when I was 15 and could barely speak any English. I knew a little because in my childhood I had been in a bilingual school but my oral skills were better than my verbal, hence I kept to myself most of the time. Basically, my life for the next 2 years consisted of going to school, which some days I felt so much anxiety about not having any friends that I preferred not to go. After school I went straight home because what else would I do. Joining a sport was out of the question because I could barely get myself to speak in class when the teacher called on me which in most cases it took the teacher about 5 minutes to understand what I was trying to say and finally they stopped asking. After getting home, at which point I realized all the opportunities I had to talking to people and making new friends but that opportunity was long gone. I would promise myself that the next day I would talk to more people but we all know what happens when we leave things for the next day…. it never happens. So, once home I would go see my best friend – the TV. The only thing that apparently seemed to enjoy talking to me without regard of how I looked or sound. Needless to say, we would spend hours and hours together, at the moment it seemed all fun and games. Laughing, crying, and feeling pumped for some of them. My life consisted of seeing others achieve their goals in life, which made me feel like I could do it, however, as days went by; all my goals and aspirations seemed more difficult to attain. Why was that? I thought I was not important, I could not speak and nobody understood what I was saying, I resorted to solitude. I did not even want to go outside because I did not want to see anyone, just the thought killed me, it made my heart raced. I would panic and go silent or awkward in most cases. When I was younger I liked to skate, so I would go to the skate park sometimes. There I would meet people who all seemed nice and social, at least to play a game of skate and have a small talk with. That boosted my confidence a bit but I was still silent and awkward at school. So now my new life consisted of going to the skate park on occasions and to an indoor skate park called, “The Farm” but now they have a different name. Anyways, I would go to those places to hang out and skate, sometimes I even fell asleep but that was because there might have been too many people so by sleeping I could get away and not talk to anyone. People frown upon drugs only because they are illegal but I was using drugs hard, they were just different.TV and sleeping were my drug, through them I could escape into my own world and not have to deal with anyone or anything. The worst part about it is that since TV and sleeping are not banned then how could I see how harmful it was for both my mental and physical state. I read once that if a frog is put in hot water it will jump out because it realizes the temperature will kill it. Yet if the frog is put in warm water and then slowly the the water temperature rises the frog will stay inside without realizing it is cooking itself alive. I was the frog and I was killing myself slowly and without realizing that all I had to do was jump out of that vicious cycle.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s